The Olympics are on – but it’s taken me a while to warm up to it. My own favorite event, the equestrians, has come in under a dark cloud.

Did you hear about this? A British equestrian was eliminated for cruelty to a horse. This made me angry, and sad, but not surprised. In fact, the only really surprising thing about it was that anyone else was surprised. If you, like me, have ridden, you know the show world can be rough on a horse.

Midcoast resident Heather D. Martin wants to know what’s on your mind; email her at heather@heatherdmartin.com.

Now obviously I’m not talking about everyone. There are some top-notch caring humans out there competing humanely with horses. For sure.

However, riders know there is plenty of awful, too. I myself have some moments I’d like to do over. Times as a kid where I rode too hard and asked too much.

The amazing thing is, though, horses are also walking lessons in Buddhism: The less you demand, the more they give.

I don’t want to see the equestrian sports go away. I really don’t. I love the sport. So, I’ve been thinking about a way to improve things and I think I’ve got it.

In competition, the horse has to be evaluated for health and fitness. They must walk and trot before a vet, have their pulse and heart rate checked, and I suggest adding a component. I suggest that each horse be turned out in a field – and that in order to compete, they come willingly to their rider when called.

I know that sounds simplistic, but think about it.

Horses don’t lie. Rather than try to create (and enforce) a complex system of rules and regulations, let it all rest on that one basic thing: does the horse want to?

Instead of worrying about higher and faster, the rider recalibrates to what really matters, the reason we all love riding in the first place, the challenge to create a working partnership with another creature.

Lucky for our Olympians, this is actually a practice among equestrians that, while far from new, has been gaining a lot of ground lately. Connection Training is not only an idea, it is an actual program. There’s a book, there are videos – there’s an entire club – devoted to finding ways to meaningfully communicate with our horses.

If you think that might be “nice” but ineffective for high level athletes, check out the work of Tristan Tucker, a world-level dressage rider who’s right there with the approach. His horses do astounding things – because he is kind to them and they want to be with him.

Even better for all of us, there are even two skilled practitioners of this work right here in Maine.

Emily Rose runs Soulstice Ranch, a haven she has created for horses (and one lucky donkey) who have experienced trauma. Her horses follow her and line themselves up for her to hop on and off they go – without a saddle or a bridle or anything. It’s amazing.

Chris Lombard is known nationally as a master of this work. In addition to his own horses, he works with horses at the humane society, and leads workshops and retreats across the country. You can follow his work online.

All of these, and more, are stellar examples of what happens when we break out of our tunnel vision of what it means to be a human. We are so conditioned to think that our choices are the only ones that matter. If we let go of all that and open ourselves up to a conversation with another creature, it is astounding how much there is to gain.

I think about this “test” as I navigate my own day.

Am I being a person who my own horses, dogs, kids, partner, siblings, coworkers and neighbors want to be with? Because that, the spirit of communication and friendship across boundaries, is really what the Olympic spirit, and humanity, is all about.