I’ll wager you haven’t given too much thought to the history of why it’s considered hilarious to heave a pie into someone’s face, am I right? Well, this is your lucky day because I’ve done extensive research on this subject and have even had a few pies heaved at me, so I’m experienced, you might say, and I can tell you a lot about this practice.

It seems, at least to me, that this activity began to be popular back during the Vaudeville days and when silent films began. I can’t think why, or who heaved the first pie, but it was very popular to do that to one’s comedic partners on the Vaudeville stage and in “silents” as they were called, always guaranteed to give the audience one big belly laugh. I’m pretty sure shaving cream foam from a spray can had not been invented yet, so one wonders if those pies were real. Real whipped cream from a mixing bowl (you young readers have no idea how much better that is than today’s horrid air-filled, tasteless, chemical “cream” from a can) and if there was fruit in those pies, or were they all lemon meringue? Had they been real, then it was an expensive and a cost-prohibitive comedy routine. One does see, in those old films, people tasting the pie from their faces and enjoying doing that, so I guess they were perhaps, at least in the beginning, the real thing.

Ah, but wait. I just checked with Dr. Google who Sees All and Knows All Things, and apparently it was discovered that if real pies were used, they were slippery when they hit the floor after hitting the victim’s face, and therefore dangerous, and were expensive although oddly the producers of silent films found that custard pies were best photographically for smashing into faces. I guess they decided that there are some traditions that should stay as is. So the good Dr. Google says that whipped cream was used and yes shaving cream, just not shot out of a can. He says that even paper and cardboard was used too, perhaps for the fake crust? And in good time, actually recipes were created for pie in the face performances. Well, live and learn I always say!

The old greats of comedians used the pie-in-the-face shtick in many of their films and people screamed with laughter. Buster Keaton and the Marx Brothers and Charlie Chaplain to name a few but they weren’t the only ones. They just knew a good gag when they saw one.

And so the tradition was continued, made even more famous when Anti-Gay singer Anita Bryant took one in the face back in 1977 during a live news conference. OK I know that’s fodder for another story, but sometimes things just go well, knowudImean? She instantly prayed for the thrower, and folks it was a real pie he tossed! She had caused good people so much pain and shame that it wasn’t difficult to laugh at her face, covered as it was with a good, wholesome cherry pie.

But wait, one more thing, and pay attention because you never know if you may need this life-saving info. Years back I had the great pleasure and joy of doing a weekly MPBN-TV show called “IncredibleMAINE,” produced by Marilyn Taylor and directed by her husband Dave Wilkinson. I can honestly say that those years were some of the finest of my life. Marilyn and Dave decided to do a show in Rockland Maine called “Pies on Parade” where everyone in town bakes fabulous pies, sells them, and has a whopping good time. Tourists flood in and buy these pastries every year.

We went there to film as much as we could, and it was huge fun. But then my dear “friends” Marilyn and Dave thought of a great, crackling fun way of ending the show. Yep, I was to take a pie in the face. Well folks, Show Biz is my life, and so of course I agreed. But I had not read the manual first, and when that cherry cream pie came flying at me, I neglected to pull in a big breath of life-saving air and splat! The thing went everywhere, all over my clothing, all through my hair, in my ears, over my glasses and yes, gross, up my nose, and into my gaping mouth and down my throat. I could not breathe! Did my life flash before my eyes? A little.

I managed to scrape enough of the goo away to pull in a big draft of air and just before I keeled over, life flooded back into me. So folks, always remember these words of wisdom: If you are about to receive a big gooey pie in your face, to avoid asphyxiation, be sure to first pull in one huge gulp of air. You’re welcome.

LC Van Savage is a Brunswick writer. 

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