Our three best friends are the puppy dog, the pussycat and the television news bubbler.
You’re a Shoe Salesman, and there you are at the end of a long, hard day trying to make the shoes you have on display fit the feet that have been walking in the door all day long – and they don’t fit them and they aren’t the same shape, and when they are, we haven’t got that size in stock. Sorry.
So, you put the key in the lock, turn the handle, and open the door, ready for several soft sobs, a twitch, and a drawn-out ahhhh!
Sit back, feet up in the air and what greets you? Arf-arf-arf. Oh, master, how long it’s been. I thought you would never come home. See how my little tail wags, so fast, so fast just for you. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Here, let me jump all over you, kiss your toes. Pick me up. Pick me up. I need to kiss your stubby little nose. Your funny naked ears with not a single hair on them. Arf-arf-arf. You can’t imagine how cute ears look when they are naked. Hairless ears. How wonderful you are. How great you arf-arf-arf.
Some folks need this.
You’re a lawyer, and there you are at the end of a long hard day trying to get her to take the dog, so he could have the parakeet, and give up the condo in Tampa, Florida for the Camp on Moosehead Lake, because parakeets can’t survive frozen, dry air and cloudy weather, and all of this because they couldn’t agree on whether toilet paper was supposed to come off over the top of the roll, or under the roll, so we’ll have to do this all over again tomorrow.
So, you put the key in the lock, turn the handle and open the door, ready for a good stiff drink and a piece of jerky to chew your thoughts back down and a long, drawn out ahhhh!
As you lie back on the couch and kick your shoes off, and what greets you? A cold, hard meow and what do you get? Did you have fun playing all day with your friends at the office, or should we call it the romper room, while I have to stay here and look for mice, and you know very well that there are no mice here. And no one to talk with, not even my own kind. I think I could even stand a small dog for a while. I suppose you know that solitary confinement is considered one of the nastiest punishments known to your so-called mankind. Are you listening to me?
Some folks need this.
You’re a plumber. and you’re pretty sure she said, “right side, please” after you’d explained that the “right-handed” people preferred the hot water to be on he left side, because being right-handed, you would naturally hold the heavy pot or container with your stronger, right hand, leaving your left had to operate the faucet, so “left side?” or did she mean “left-handed?” Now you have to go back and change all the faucets back to the way you had them in the first place.
So, you put the key in the lock, turn the handle and open the door, ready for a beer, a pot of beans and a piece of brown bread with hard sauce, flip on the television news bubbler, ahhhh!
Yummy. And what do you get? French synagogue set on fire. US warning of Pride Month attacks, Ukrainian defense lines shredded, new techies laid off, inflation heats up and unemployment rears its ugly head.
Nobody needs this.
Orrin Frink is a resident of Kennebunkport. He can be reached at ofrink@gmail.com.
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